I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
