Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
