it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
