I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dicks are not precious.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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