Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
