your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
