why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
