my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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