Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
