Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
