I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Man, jail baloney is awful.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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