I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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