entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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