Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
