You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
