tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
