Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
