So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
