Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
