I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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