i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
