Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
