it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
