I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
