I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
