I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
