watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
