I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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