We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
