it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
