Can i not drive my cunt home
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
