You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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