this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
