he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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