dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
