i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
