why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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