Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
