how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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