you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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