4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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