UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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