you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
