I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
