New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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