she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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