I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
