Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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