This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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