I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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