hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
