This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
